Baby Farm Animal Power Rankings Playoff Predictions


It’s finally here. After an agonizing season that saw some heavy favorites fall and some unlikely contenders take flight, we’ve now entered playoffs. With Round 1 of competition kicking off on Tuesday, we thought we’d take a look at some early matches. Let’s get into it.

(1) Baby Llamas vs. (8) Baby Chickens

The Season So Far: Baby llamas, a new entrant into the league, started strong and never let off the gas. If anything, they show how the league has changed — rookies can leap off the bench, fully-formed competitors ready to play.

Baby chickens, meanwhile, stacked up the ugliest season we can remember in our decades of doing the BFAPR. Let’s look at some of their press clippings, shall we? "Anybody getting flashbacks to baby dodos here?" "These fowls need to throw in the towel." ”We’re shipping baby chickens some sheet rock. If they’re gonna live in the basement, they can at least refinish it.” They somehow managed to back their way into the post-season, and we’re frankly still struggling to understand how it happened.

Prediction: Statistically speaking, baby chickens do have a chance here. Also, given the right humidity and snowpack, a snowball can survive for up to ten seconds in hell. Llamas by a landside.

(2) Baby Goats vs. (7) Baby Farm Dogs

The Season So Far: Baby goats, aided by some amazing press, have quickly become fan favorites this season. It’s rare to see so much support for a team so dominant, but people can’t seem to help but root for these kids. 

Baby farm dogs are in their first season in the league, and have underperformed the high expectations placed on man’s best friend. Even the Puppy Bowl bounce couldn’t seem to really help them stay at the top of the BFAPR. 

Prediction: It still feels wrong to say that farm pups are going to go down so easily, but you’d have to be a schmuck to not bet on the bucks advancing to the next round.

(3) Baby Ducklings vs. (6) Baby Sheep

The Season So Far: The vagaries of the post-season system come into play here, with baby ducklings getting an inflated seed in the brackets, due mainly to a late-season surge. It’s hard to deny their season has been wildly inconsistent — flashes of brilliance followed by bush league errors. 

Sheep, meanwhile, have been even more all over the place, tumbling from the top of the leader boards to nearly the bottom, climbing back up again, and then falling again. It’s like the little fellas couldn’t ever seem to find solid footing.

Prediction: If there’s a bracket buster on the board right now, we think it’s this. The lambs’ lows have been lower, but their highs have been higher. Ducks, meanwhile, seem content to float along. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: sheep are going deep.

(4) Baby Pigs vs. (5) Baby Donkeys

The Season So Far: After a brief moment on the top of the charts, thanks to a tiny trotter in a wheelchair named Chris P. Bacon, pigs have settled in a solid mid-level contenders. They may not be as flash as other competitors, but they’re also a lot more solid than some higher seeds.

Baby donkeys came into the league this year with a lot of hype. We will be the first to admit that we, at first, did not buy it at all. But these little jennets have given us a change of heart, and we’re now count ourselves among the burro boosters. We’re not sure this is their postseason, but there’s no doubt donkeys are here to stay.

Prediction: This is six of one, half dozen of the other territory. We’ll flip a coin and call it for pigs, but don’t be surprised if you see donkeys clopping their way into the quarterfinals. It’s just too close to call. 

We’ll see everyone back here on Tuesday, when we see how the Round 1 of the playoffs shakes out. We can’t wait to see what happens.